Shadows On The Wall

“Now you know” #StuffRareSays

⇓Scroll Down⇓

This week I attended a prep session for a podcast that I will be taking part of soon. I’m excited to be taking part in this exciting new adventure and will hopefully chronicle the process as I go. However, as I walked into the college that I once attended. Memories began to flash right before my eyes. The shadows of a past that this alumni had left behind. A once library, now media lab held a kernel of a memory from a time of my life… That… Began to change me. I couldn’t help but remember the elderly woman I’d once encountered.

“I sat at a table in the commons area of the university taking part in a conversation with two of my friends. It was a painful conversation about my mother who’d passed away within that month. Typically, when a loved one passes away, everyone wants to know “What happened?” So I sat down with my friends and explained not only what happened but how her health issues that ultimately led to her passing had affected me along with expressing the grief that now filled my heart.”   

What both my parents went through impacted me severely.

As my conversation with my friends wrapped up, the three of us looked down with a deepened sadness and hardened gazes. After a few minutes of silence, a hand gently grabbed my shoulder. I turned to find an elderly woman staring at me with empathy. She proceeded to say, “I don’t mean to interrupt but I just wanted to share my condolences about your mother and also say, even though what you went through affected you so severely, it’s because you experienced that with your mother, that you are now more educated.”

Taken a back, I wanted to ream her a new one for not only peering but saying such an insensitive thing to me in the moment. Instead, I lacked any words to express, looked at her steadfast with a contemplative glare.

She then smiled and walked back to her seat at the table she occupied with her friends. In that short moment, thousands of thoughts ran through my head. “What does that mean?”

It all made me ponder.

Instead of clapping back, I took in what the woman said, thought about it and then stored it within my memory bank. 

I looked back at my friends and with shocked stares they merely shrugged. We sat in silence for a moment longer and when I turned back around to look at the woman once more, she and her friends were gone.

The clock struck noon and it was time for class, and so…  my friends and I walked to our class with an eerie aura clouded over us.

That day I was left with a revelation…

“It is within some of the hardest experiences of our lives that will serve to educate us.” #StuffRareSays

She was right.

I did learn something from it.

I changed my diet and my lifestyle…
My life as I knew…
Was no longer the same.
I threw out bad habits
I stopped eating unhealthy food.
AND
Set forth on a new path.

Healthy living.
Mind, body and soul.

AND
Here we are…

It’s about to be the nine years later and I’m sitting in the SAME college a completely different ME. Remembering that girl, I no longer am.
Unable to be her nor connect with that girl I once was.

Surreal

“I saw her porcelain ivory face. At peace, she swept away within the shadows.”
#StuffRareSays

⇓Scroll Down⇓

I reached for her.
Arms tucked in.
Her hands embraced
Held a peaceful grin
Emotions rose
Carried from a past
Listless dreams
Her message surreal.
©Rarenwise 1-19-18

Passing Time

This morning, I prepare myself and my kiddos, to head out to my cousins funeral. I honestly, don’t have a whole lot to say to you today other than.

“Today is precious, and tomorrow is never promised.”

It’s been quite a nerve-wracking week. Between trying to process the loss, and being super swamped with work, AND putting off some of that work this weekend, I can honestly say, I’m spent.

Although I most definitely do not regret putting off work on the weekend to break free, because ME time is always valuable. I needed that time to process things, within good company.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the last several years, is:

No matter what role people play in your life, those in your life will either be there for you and supportive of you, or not at all.

 

My Message:

Know your people. eliminate the toxic ones, and be true to yourself. Your peace will come from within. #Stuffraresays




Crumble

It’s been four years since dads passing. This past week, I have been very down and thinking about mom and dad a lot. It’s almost dads birthday.

Good news: MY brother called the other day. He’s really coming home soon.

I haven’t seen him since we laid dad to rest. 

Arrangements are made, and I can’t wait to wrap my arms around his neck and hold on tight. CANNOT wait to see him.

After all these years!

Only a day after my big bro mentioned our cousin and how much he wanted to see him, I got the news. Our cousin passed away. I suppose I should have expected it. He’s been battling health issues for some time now, but I am still shook from it.

TBH….

He was like another brother to me. Memories pass through my mind like shadows on the wall. Childhood moments that I’ll never let go. A protector, and a stinker 

Good times! …. I’m numb.

I’m torn between telling my brother because he deserves to know OBVIOUSLY … and…   The last time we experienced death in the family…. he…

I…JUST … don’t want to see him relapse.

 on the next one…….