Its been so long since I’ve had that vibe.
Not even sure why it’s starting to chime.
Life and musings have been stifled lately.
Through great pain and inner strength.
Yet still… consumes me.
See my Instagram profile for actual photography: @rarenwise
When I was lost, I could run to her. Ask her if I was good at anything. If what I was doing at the current time suited me. She’d always respond with reassuring affirmations like, ” If anyones gonna do it, it’s gonna be you.”
When I wanted to know more. About life, and myself. Dad always gave me the most deep and profound concepts to ponder. His strength showed me that overcoming any obstacle is possible. He empowered me to think for myself and fight for what I believe in.
I felt as though I was drowning. Struggling for even a small breath of air. I tried reaching out. To many people who claim to love me. Friends, relatives, family. Only, I received dead air. No one… I was drowning in a perpetual sea of lonelines. I’d been struggling for days, yet being met with extremely harsh and insensitive remarks from my partner. The silence from my friends was louder than a chainsaw. For all the times I’d stood by my friends, empowering them, reassuring them, advising them, being THERE for them… I’m done. Am I tired of being kind hearted? Maybe. Am I tried of being mistreated? Most definitely. I may never lift so much as a finger to be there for those specific so-called friends again.
I know there comes a time in all our lives when we realize we ARE the only person that can be there for ourselves. It’s a hard lesson. After making so many beds we lay In, we come to a reflective state in our lives and start to understand those things a bit more clear. But guys! Don’t abuse your friends. If you run to them every Time your life is in shambles DO NOT leave them drowning when they come for you.
Support those who support you. Otherwise, they will stop.
I’m pretty mad at myself right now. I have no outlet outside of my readers. and well… why would you all want to hear me complain abput my life. 🤔
Finally! A text message came through. My beautiful, most loving and loyal neighbor messaged me with a profound message that left me balling like a baby. Only, during that cry sesh my partner walked in and became instantly frustrated about it and demanded I tell him whats wrong. Insensitive much?
Naturally, I shut him out. I wasn’t in the mood for his self absorbed make-it-about-him-moment.
So… I grabbed my book bag and dragged my bottom out the door and went shopping for flowers I could place on my parents grave. 🙃
Here’s where my mad comes in. Because I wasn’t allowed to cry.in the safety of my own little world, I didn’t have my emotions under control. Usually, my composure is impeccable. The mother of a good friend of my brother saw me and…
His sister’s brother, who’s cousins girlfriends, knew the best friends cousin and was twice removed 😂🤣I’m joking guys
She could feel my pain.😑 trust me… she asked whats. I had no words and I pointed to those beautiful flowers and began to ball. Again!…IN PUBLIC!!!
Yes, I’m mad at myself for doing that. But.. as I write about the experience, I realize I’m more mad that it took me so long to realize how many toxic people surround me in my life.
And So.. . I begin a new journey. Want to come with?
SEE ya on the next one. 😎🖖
I know that I don’t speak about this much but, 7 years ago… thanks to a careless and reckless drunk driver I’ve had chronic back issues (pain) ever since. Oh my and not to mention having three kids since then as well. 😒ummm ouch! My back doesn’t like…. life. Most of my nights are spent tossing and turning in a desperate attempt to release my pain. 😑never happens.
Funny, we think all struggles are mental and emotional. However, physical hindrances are very real.
It’s hurtful to need your loved ones to pick up things you’ve dropped, or items off the floor.🤕
This moment of griping led me here
“Not all struggles meet the eye. For many people they are unseen.”
We really never know a person’s pain or struggle ever…. unless they choose to tell us.
And now, in off to brunch 🍽
See ya on the next one😎🤘