Shadows On The Wall

“Now you know” #StuffRareSays

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This week I attended a prep session for a podcast that I will be taking part of soon. I’m excited to be taking part in this exciting new adventure and will hopefully chronicle the process as I go. However, as I walked into the college that I once attended. Memories began to flash right before my eyes. The shadows of a past that this alumni had left behind. A once library, now media lab held a kernel of a memory from a time of my life… That… Began to change me. I couldn’t help but remember the elderly woman I’d once encountered.

“I sat at a table in the commons area of the university taking part in a conversation with two of my friends. It was a painful conversation about my mother who’d passed away within that month. Typically, when a loved one passes away, everyone wants to know “What happened?” So I sat down with my friends and explained not only what happened but how her health issues that ultimately led to her passing had affected me along with expressing the grief that now filled my heart.”   

What both my parents went through impacted me severely.

As my conversation with my friends wrapped up, the three of us looked down with a deepened sadness and hardened gazes. After a few minutes of silence, a hand gently grabbed my shoulder. I turned to find an elderly woman staring at me with empathy. She proceeded to say, “I don’t mean to interrupt but I just wanted to share my condolences about your mother and also say, even though what you went through affected you so severely, it’s because you experienced that with your mother, that you are now more educated.”

Taken a back, I wanted to ream her a new one for not only peering but saying such an insensitive thing to me in the moment. Instead, I lacked any words to express, looked at her steadfast with a contemplative glare.

She then smiled and walked back to her seat at the table she occupied with her friends. In that short moment, thousands of thoughts ran through my head. “What does that mean?”

It all made me ponder.

Instead of clapping back, I took in what the woman said, thought about it and then stored it within my memory bank. 

I looked back at my friends and with shocked stares they merely shrugged. We sat in silence for a moment longer and when I turned back around to look at the woman once more, she and her friends were gone.

The clock struck noon and it was time for class, and so…  my friends and I walked to our class with an eerie aura clouded over us.

That day I was left with a revelation…

“It is within some of the hardest experiences of our lives that will serve to educate us.” #StuffRareSays

She was right.

I did learn something from it.

I changed my diet and my lifestyle…
My life as I knew…
Was no longer the same.
I threw out bad habits
I stopped eating unhealthy food.
AND
Set forth on a new path.

Healthy living.
Mind, body and soul.

AND
Here we are…

It’s about to be the nine years later and I’m sitting in the SAME college a completely different ME. Remembering that girl, I no longer am.
Unable to be her nor connect with that girl I once was.

Obstacles

“The thing about life is: there will always be obstacles in the way of where you want to go. That’s the point. The true test is in our faith, and determination. Not the path. Without obstacles, we wouldn’t know what were made of.” #StuffRareSays

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“I awoke to the sound of a dresser drawer shutting.
As I rolled over and realize what time it was, 6:30AM. I was bemused.

“I was running fast.
Dodging as many paint ball bullets as possible.

There was no way out.
I’d managed to back myself into a corner.
I tried to wriggle my way through a small opening. 
IM STUCK…
The other team is gaining on me. “
STUPID OBSTACLE COURSE!!
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I must admit, This Holiday vacation has been somewhat exhausting.

With the kiddos home that means there’s a whole lot less ME TIME going on.

Without ME TIME there isn’t a whole lot of BLOG TIME

OMG!!!

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I’ve had a few daunting moments in the past few days that almost broke me down spiritually.

Parenthood isn’t easy.
Joyous yes.
Complex indeed.
Especially when we are working parents.
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With the kiddos home
AND
In my work space…
Getting things done has been a futile battle.
Jay hasn’t necessarily been one to understand nor respect the value of my workspace in the house.
SO…
When It comes to setting positive examples……

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Let’s just say….

Deaf ears.

You might as well forget about it, unless you want to hear a million and one reasons why he’s gonna do it anyway.

And so…..

I miss my quiet time.

“Relationships based on competition CANNOT thrive. These unions require unity to grow.” #StuffRareSays

You must ask yourself on a daily basis,…
“Do I care more about always bing right?
OR
Do I want to be happy?

“Happiness thrives with an open mind.” #StuffRareSays

With sheer determination and gull

I am riding those waves until I’ve conquered the obstacle.

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Until then…
I’ll see ya on the next one.
Will it be a poem….
A segment….
Who knows

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Grab a cup of coffee or your favorite cup of tea and come along on this journey with me.
Thank you for making me part of your daily routine.

A Year In Review: Transitions

“As our life passes, our years begin to blend together. It is our remarkable experiences that will stand out.” #StuffRareSays

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“The universe has a peculiar sense of humor.” #RoofTop

I suppose we always knew. We just weren’t ready. With such fierce endearment towards one another, it stung deep to be ripped apart. It took the experiences of life to guide us back to each other. The moment all the pieces came together, everything made sense.
An unbreakable bond.
#StuffRareSays

A few weeks had passed and the storm was in its calm. As conversations continued between… Let’s call them… Count Vader.

The holidays were off to a great start.

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen my big bro. Since we lost dad to be exact. I miss my bro. With only five months until he came home, I was getting anxious.”

Remember that call?

That big bro came home five months early. A thanksgiving miracle.

BOY!
That has been a treat.
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With Vader and The bro coming back into my life simultaneously, I now had a lot more to things to contemplate and shuffle through.

RE CAP!!!

Blog
kids
Mom life
Job
Community effort
Vader
Bro

Despite it all….
I toggled  it all like a champ.
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Only….
The beginning of the end.

“Were just roommates. We’re not even friends.”
He said with hate in his heart.

I’ll probably hold onto that statement from here on out.
It was a defining moment between Jay and I.
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AND

On top of that list up there, things were tense between us.

I’d say it got rough.
Mean-spirited things were said.
Things that cannot be taken back.

And so….

We had to establish.
drinking a soda with an apathetic expression while looking away from a dumpster fire

Despite our differences, we chose to have a happy Christmas anyway.

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A few days later:

With everything else in line, my Sweet Pea is home for a visit.

Just in time to kick off the New Year!

I’m choosing NOT to have a new year’s resolution this year.

The thing is: we shouldn’t wait for a “New Year, New Me” to evolve ourselves.

To be continued….

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A Year In Review: Lifelines

“There aren’t many things in life, more exhilarating than that of a deep connection.” #StuffRareSays

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After a few weeks of introspection, I started remembering.

Moments, people, and situations in life that stood out and defined me.
These reflections led me down the path to…
Reaching out to an old friend.
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“Didn’t. Even. Skip. A beat.”

There is a reason I stated recently,
“God shows us our enemies before he blesses us.”

Not because I heard it somewhere or because I think I know something more…

BUT
Because I experienced it firsthand upon discovering my frenemies true colors one dark and gloomy evening.

“Jealousy can make a person do strange things. Including sabotage you.” #StuffRareSays

And so…

Gladly getting that out of the way

BEFORE

Receiving the blessing of a lifetime!!!
I moved forward with that little flicker of fire in my soul
lit
Burning brightly
AND
Roaring loudly.
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The Next Day:

It was the first day of the workshop. I’d never worked with college students before, but I must admit it was awesome. Despite being unable to participate fully due to a strenuous schedule, I was left wanting to do it again.

Behind the scenes:

During down time, I stood outside in the crisp chill air. The birds chirping in the trees above and my right leg perched on a flagstone step. With my coffee in hand, I took a sip and slowly soaked in the fall sun in awe.
Life as I knew it was beginning to change.

 YET

I cringed as I laid my eyes on the van.

With a shrug of my shoulders, and sheer utter disappointment washing over me, I stood in defeat…..
§

The front door closed and Ryno walked out, carrying his cup in tow as well.

“I enjoy my encounters with Ryno. I like to call our conversations leadership chats.”

“I remember when I wrecked my car.” He said as he took notice of the van.

I looked over at him with some relief.

It’s relatable.

“Accidents are inevitable. We are all bound to have them.”
#StuffRareSays

In a moment of despair, I mentioned the strain this newfound damage was going to bring to me.

“Don’t” He said with distinction.

In surprise, I looked at him, as he continued to say, “After everything you’ve gotten through, and everything you do, don’t start letting yourself be defeated now. That’s not you. You’re a conqueror.
You always rise to challenges”

BOOM!

Thanks Ryno
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With that first workshop under my belt, Things began to dial down for a while. Mid-term elections were coming to an end, the holiday season was beginning to set in, and I was off to a positively steady pace with …. An old friend.
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